


Fill in the Blank

by danceswithgary



Category: Smallville
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Episode Related, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-29
Updated: 2006-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-03 14:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you just have to go with your gut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fill in the Blank

His feet felt leaden as he made his way up to the loft. Pulling off his jacket, he threw it over the railing before he flopped onto the couch. He felt something poking into his leg and reaching under he pulled out a hard-covered book pushed between the cushions. He frowned before opening it and began to read the familiar handwriting.

_Chloe suggested I write down everything that has happened and anything else I think of to see if I can start remembering my past. It's weird that I can read, write, and do math, but I can't remember my own name, my parents or my friends. So I guess the best place to start is with the first thing I do remember, looking up at a girl with short blond hair who was shaking my shoulder and asking me if I was all right. She kept saying the name Clark, but I didn't know what she was talking about. It turns out Clark was me. _

Clark shook his head at the words he wrote over three days ago. He'd been lucky enough to get his memory back, but now he was missing those few days. Hopefully he'd written enough down to tell him what had happened during that time and if his secrets were still safe.

The last thing he remembered was running out the back door of the Talon after Lois looked in the register and yelled that she'd been robbed. Spotting a truck speeding away, he'd run after it, forcing it to stop by standing in front of it. When he'd opened the driver's door, there was this green light and that was it. He didn't recall anything else that happened between then and when he remembered who he was today.

_Chloe drove me home, explaining that I lived on a farm with my parents and that I hang out up here all the time. What kind of weirdo thinks it's cool to spend all their time in a barn? I must have major issues. _

_When Chloe and I got to this yellow farmhouse, my house I guess, Chloe told me to just walk in. I reached for the doorknob and when the door didn't open, I yanked it a little and the next thing you know it's flying across the yard! Chloe just smiled at me like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I thought that maybe the hinges were weak. _

Clark shifted on the couch, starting to feel uneasy. Chloe ignored something out of the ordinary?

_The picture on the refrigerator of me and a blond man and red-haired woman didn't remind me of anything, but did make me wonder. How do a blond and a redhead end up with a kid with hair so dark it was almost black? Chloe explained I was adopted when I was three or so and then this tall longhaired blond girl just walks into the house and asks what happened to the door, like she owned the place. _

Clark groaned. He better not have shown any of his abilities to Lois. It was bad enough she'd seen him naked.

_I started to tell her about the door and then Chloe jumped in and said it was a freak wind. Then Chloe asked her, she called her Lois, where my parents were. Lois said they were in Metropolis for something to do with my dad's heart. She didn't understand why I didn't know that already and Chloe explained about the amnesia. Lois laughed and said ' at least this time you've got clothes on' and told us there was no way my parents could come back because my dad was sedated for tests. _

Clark could feel himself blushing. Of course, Lois remembered the whole being naked thing and didn't miss a chance to remind him.

_I told Lois the first thing I remembered was waking up in the alley with Chloe and then Chloe said she thought that whoever robbed the Talon caused the memory loss. I didn't understand what the logic was behind that theory but Lois didn't think it was odd at all. She just agreed and said it probably explained why she forgot so many coffee orders before she noticed the money was missing from the register. I thought it was probably due to the color of her hair. _

A snicker escaped Clark. Obviously, he and Lois didn't get along even when they'd just met for the first time, again.

_Chloe was going to leave me at the house with Lois and go do some research on amnesia. Lois agreed and offered me an insulting nickname - Mr. Memory Reboot - and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I wasn't happy about Chloe leaving me with her, even after she explained I wasn't related to Lois, she just lived with me. Somehow, that was sort of scary. Chloe changed her mind about leaving me with Lois after grabbing a jar of peanut butter away from me. She dragged me out to the barn to talk instead. What is it with the barn? _

_I thought Chloe was nuts when she handed me a crowbar and told me to bend it. She just pulled me back to the corner of the barn and pointed at the door lying on the ground. I backed up, so we couldn't be seen from the house and get laughed at by Lois, and gave it a try. It bent! _

So much for thinking Chloe didn't know anything about what he'd been hiding all this time, Clark mused. He wondered just how much he'd managed to let slip around her all this time.

_I was a little shaky when I asked her how I did that. She sat there on a hay bale like it was nothing out of the ordinary and explained that some meteors crashed down in Smallville right around when I was adopted. I asked if I was an alien and she said no, just a mutant. Just a mutant, like the girl who sucked fat from people or some guy who froze things. That didn't make me feel very good and I asked what I did to hurt people and why she was hanging around with a freak like me. _

Clark was puzzled about that too. If Chloe thought he was a mutant, why wasn't he up on the 'Wall of Weird' with the rest of them? Maybe she learned something about discretion when Van McNulty was running around on his mutant killing spree.

_She tried to make me feel better by telling me I was a hero or something, that I saved people from the other mutants. I asked if everyone knew about my heroics, then why were we hiding behind the barn? That's when she told me it was a secret. When I said we must have been really good friends if she knew all this about me, she confessed I hadn't told her anything and that it was okay, I was just protecting myself and that she'd never betray me. Betray me. If I have to hide what I can do from the people I consider my friends, what kind of crappy life do I have? _

_We decided that checking out the 'scene of the crime' might help jog something loose, so Chloe drove us back to the Talon. It turns out that it's a coffeehouse with an overdone Egyptian theme and it had a 'Closed' sign up. That didn't stop Chloe, she barged right in anyway when one of the waitresses came to the door and the waitress just let her do it. Weird. _

Clark laughed. It was weird how Chloe managed to get into any place she wanted, not to mention the frightening amount of information she could get her hands on at a moment's notice. Maybe she had some mutant abilities of her own?

_I asked Chloe why the police weren't involved and she said it was the same reason she didn't take me to the hospital for the amnesia. The last thing I needed was the attention of the authorities. That explained the police, but the hospital? Then she told me that she had only seen me hurt once and I healed like overnight and my parents wouldn't take me to the hospital when I was so sick they thought I was going to die, so they must have a reason. How frightening is it that I actually followed that logic and stopped questioning it? _

Clark was beginning to realize how lucky he was that Chloe found him first. Who knew what a head x-ray or CT scan would have shown?

_Looking around while Chloe went behind the bar, my vision went wonky and it was like I could see layers of stuff, not just the surface. I looked through the bar, then through Chloe, and that was really strange, and saw a white card on the floor. I told Chloe to pick it up, but she couldn't see it until I told her to lift up the mat. She looked at me funny and asked how I knew it was there and I told her I could see through things. I guess she didn't know about that one. _

Now she does, Clark grumbled to himself. That left the speed and the heat visions hanging out there as possible secrets. No one could possibly know about the floating, that was a very private thing between him and his bed.

_The secrecy thing was really starting to bug me and I told Chloe I thought I should stop hiding. It didn't bother her, so why had I been so afraid? Chloe told me not everyone in Smallville would be so understanding, especially after the trouble the other mutants had caused. She said sympathized with me on how hard it must be to keep anyone from knowing. She'd only been protecting me for a few hours and she saw how tough it must have been for me to do it all my life. I still hate the thought of all that lying and wonder if it's worth it. _

Clark laid his head back on the couch and looked up into the rafters. It was so hard and sometimes he wanted to run away to somewhere no one knew him and just be 'himself'. He'd tried that and that summer in Metropolis showed him it just didn't work that way.

_I got tired of the discussion and started looking around the Talon again until I noticed a couple at a table in the back. Something about them drew me, I'm not sure why. As I watched, the slender bald man closed the large book on the table and stood up, joining the dark-haired girl. They started walking towards the door. Suddenly, my eyes started to burn and I looked down while I blinked, then the lampshade on the table right in front of me burst into flame! Chloe grabbed a glass of water and put it out right away, then sarcastically told me she didn't really need to know I suffered from premature combustion. _

Okay, mark off the heat vision, thought Clark, not much left to hide.

_The whole start fire and extinguish fiasco didn't attract any attention from either the man or the girl, who were at the door now. I nudged Chloe and asked who they were. She looked and told me their names were Lana and Lex and that she was the love of my life. That must have been one of the secrets Chloe hadn't figured out yet. I didn't care about the girl. I wanted to know everything about that man. _

_Before Chloe left for the night, she handed me this journal and told me to write down everything and maybe it would help. After I finished recording what had happened today, I started poking around the loft to see if I could find anything useful. I found some pictures of Lana, Chloe and a young black guy I didn't recognize. It looked like we'd been friends for a long time. I didn't find any pictures of Lex and I couldn't understand why. I'd felt such an instant connection with him. There should be something here. _

Clark threw the book to the floor and went to the open window where he stood looking out into the night. A connection. You could call it that, the thread that held together the lives of two men since a certain day on a bridge. Even after everything they had been through, the arguments and lies and even sometimes the hatred, there was still something that drew him to Lex, again and again. If there was a single person he wished he could confide in, it was Lex. It just never seemed to be the right time and lately it felt like it would never happen. Slowly he walked back to the couch and sat back down, picking up the journal and finding his place again.

_Rummaging through a pile of papers on the desk, I came across a set of sketches, symbols of some sort. They didn't mean anything to me and I threw them back down, frustrated that I couldn't find anything that helped me remember. Some of the papers fell to the floor, but before I could clean them up, I heard someone laughing. Lois came up the stairs and told me she was surprised to see me upset. It seems I usually keep everything hidden. Gee, that was a big surprise considering everything else I was keeping secret. At least she didn't pry and she actually offered some advice after a crack about pity parties. 'Go with my gut'. Considering she agreed with my 'gut' feeling we didn't like each other, it might not be such a bad idea. _

At least his instincts seemed to be working even with amnesia, thought Clark grinning. Lois and he would never be considered friends.

_After Lois left, I started picking up the mess I made. Reaching under the couch for one of the scattered papers, I felt something. I pulled out a scrapbook and sat on the floor to look at it. I'd finally found the missing pictures of Lex and more. _

_I think I managed a couple of hours of sleep before Chloe came over. She'd done some checking on the pass we found and convinced Lois and me to go with her to check out the address. I'd have been happier going to talk to Lex. We showed up at the Grady house and didn't get very far until Chloe asked about the Summerholt Institute sticker on the car in the driveway. That's when Mr. Grady explained that Summerholt was trying to erase the memory of killing his brother in a hunting accident from his son Kevin's mind. I know that it must have been a terrible thing, but I'm not sure I'd choose to do that deliberately knowing how much trouble I'm having with missing memories. _

Clark remembered how hard Lex had fought to get those missing weeks back after Belle Reve and had to agree. He had lost just the last three days and felt like there was a gaping hole in his life. He supposed if there was a safe way to take away just a single bad memory it might be different, but he didn't feel much confidence in the medical profession after the scientists and doctors he'd dealt with lately.

_After Mr. Grady closed the door firmly in our faces, Lois decided to snoop around some more and left Chloe and me on the doorstep. As we headed for Chloe's car, I thought I heard someone running away. When I mentioned it to Chloe, she got a funny look on her face and I realized that it was just another thing that I could do. She asked me where they were now and I pointed to the side of the house, and then I heard a motorcycle starting. When we ran around the house, we saw the motorcycle quite a distance away and starting to speed up. Chloe just pushed me and told me to run after it. I guess I'm getting used to all this weirdness because I did, I ran after it. Then I passed it. Then I lost it after I ended up in a field of cows before I figured out how to stop. Chloe wasn't happy about my getting back into her car after that. _

Clark smacked himself in the forehead. How did he forget his enhanced hearing when he was counting the number of abilities Chloe did or didn't know about? Not that it mattered; she had that one and the speed, leaving the floating and he really hoped Chloe had never walked in on him when he was having one of those dreams or he was never going to live it down.

_Chloe decided we needed to talk to Lex about Summerholt. I wasn't going to argue about visiting Lex but I did insist I needed to shower and change first. I didn't want to meet the man of my dreams reeking of 'Eau de Bovine'. We dropped Lois off at the Talon and headed to the farm. Chloe waited in the kitchen while I rushed through my shower and then tackled finding something in my closet that wasn't bright red, bright blue or plaid. I almost expected to find Garanimal tags. I finally found a fitted black shirt at the back of the closet that went well with the tight black jeans I found at the bottom of a drawer. I ruffled my hair to bring out the curls and headed downstairs. Based on Chloe's dropped jaw reaction, this was not how she was used to seeing me. Too bad. I felt good about myself and I was looking forward to meeting Lex. _

_Looking at pictures of the mansion collected in a scrapbook was very different from actually walking into it. The place is huge! When Chloe and I were shown into the study, I stared like a complete dork and told her I couldn't believe I was friends with a billionaire. Maybe I should have whispered that to her because Lex stood up and walked around his desk saying that I'd never seemed that impressed before. _

Clark snorted at the thought of being impressed by Lex's 'stuff'. Lex was so much more than what he owned. That thought left him a little uncomfortable. Had he started to forget that and take for granted that Lex would always have whatever Clark needed?

_Lex was there in front of me and I all I could think was he was so smooth and elegant and perfect from his aristocratic bald head down to the Italian shoes on his feet. I looked into those blue eyes and immediately embarrassed myself by calling him Mr. Luthor. He smiled at me and reminded me that he'd been Lex since the day he ran me off a bridge. I decided that if all I had to do was act like an idiot to get him to smile at me like that, I'd start drooling and telling bad jokes on a regular basis. I wasn't happy when Chloe took over and asked Lex if he had any contacts at Summerholt from when they were doing some sort of experiments on him. He was nice enough and said he'd make a few calls and Chloe said thanks and then she was telling me we had to leave. I was not happy about that but then Lex asked Chloe if he could talk to me and insisted that he could take over chaperone duty. Chloe gave in and left but I heard her mutter 'be careful' in the hallway before I forgot about her and gave Lex all my attention. _

Clark wasn't surprised Lex had offered his help with Summerholt. Lex always helped his friends and Clark believed they were still friends. He needed to believe that. He needed to believe he was still important to Lex.

_Lex asked me if I wanted something to drink and pulled two bottles of water out of a mini-fridge right there in his study. They were blue glass and watching Lex drink made me think maybe we'd been more than friends, at least I hoped that was the case. He wandered over to the pool table and rolled a few of the balls around while he asked me what I remembered. When he found out I hadn't recalled anything yet, he looked concerned. Looking around the study, he suggested we go for a ride to a place he thought might help bring something back. I said sure and when I saw the Ferrari, I was glad I did. On the way, I asked Lex what we used to do together and he told me we played pool and video games, watched movies and talked, the usual things friends do. To be honest, I was a little disappointed there wasn't at least some kissing too. Those lips definitely deserved some kissing. _

Clark didn't think he could blush any harder without his cheeks exploding. When exactly had he turned gay because he was not finding it at all hard to agree with the Clark that was writing about Lex needing to be kissed, and by him?

_Lex handed me a flashlight and we went into these caves. He said I had discovered them and spent a lot of time studying the symbols on the walls. I told him I'd seen them before and he got excited until I explained they were on some sketches back at my loft. That's when he told me I needed to be careful about what I told people, especially about what I could do. He explained he had brought me down here to make sure no one else could hear what he had to tell me because he wanted to protect me. He asked me if I had noticed anything different about myself, like maybe I was stronger than other people or faster. I know Chloe had told me to be careful, but it felt right to tell Lex about all the strange things I had found out I could do. I was glad I did when his eyes got very bright, almost as if he was ready to cry, and he hugged me like he was never going to let me go. _

_I really enjoyed that hug and I think Lex could tell because he finally pulled back and looked at me with what looked like hope in his eyes. I tried to think of what to say and touched his smooth cheek but then he pushed himself out of my arms and moved a couple of feet away. He rubbed his neck and seemed to search for words and I knew I'd made a mistake. I started to say I was sorry, but he stopped me and asked me to listen. He said I was important to him, the only real friend he'd ever had, and that he didn't want to mess that up because I couldn't remember what happened before. He was afraid that if I got my memory back I would think he took advantage of me. I tried to tell him that wouldn't happen, but he went on to tell me we had some serious arguments in the past about some things he had done and I had trouble trusting him. He pointed to the walls of the cave and said the symbols were part of what we fought about and that I'd never admitted to him that I could do all those things before now. _

Clark felt sick. Lex knew everything, at least about his abilities, if not about the whole alien thing. Yet, Clark was still walking around free, not locked up in a lab, and Lex didn't freak out or yell at him about lying or even try to start something with him when he didn't know any better. He'd been such an idiot when it came to trusting Lex and he didn't know how to fix it now.

_Lex had been pacing back and forth while he told me all of this and he suddenly came to a complete stop and stared at me. I thought he was done and then he blurted out the most important confession of all. He had always wanted me, right from the beginning, and his biggest regret was that he thought he had to choose between having me and discovering my secrets and that he'd picked the wrong one. When I saw the tears standing in the eyes of that beautiful man, a man that I didn't know, it broke my heart. _

Clark thought he could feel his heart breaking, too.

_I needed time to think about what Lex had told me and I asked him to drive me home. He answered a few more questions on the way, like whether he had known what I could do before I told him and what he had done that hurt our friendship. He told me he had figured most of it out after all the times I'd made impossible rescues and that I'd been angry with him when I found a room he had filled with details about me. He was worried I would be upset when I heard about that and quickly told me the room was dismantled now and all the evidence destroyed. He admitted he had finally realized how dangerous it was and stopped collecting, well, me. _

Considering all the other truths Lex had offered him while he had amnesia, Clark was willing to believe Lex really had stopped investigating him specifically, even though he was still looking for answers to the symbols on the cave walls. It gave him some hope when it came to Lex.

_When Lex pulled up to the house, I saw a truck in the driveway. Lex said that my parents were probably home and asked if I wanted him to go in with me. I told him it was okay and that I thought I could handle meeting my mom and dad for the first time by myself. He said he needed to get back and get Chloe that info on Summerholt and asked when he could see me again. He was nervous and worried so I squeezed his hand on the gearshift and told him I'd like to see him later and that I'd call him. He seemed happier after that and waved to me as he left. Then I went into the house to meet my parents, and all hell broke loose. _

Clark could just imagine what his parents had to say when they found out both Chloe and Lex knew about him. All of a sudden, he was glad he hadn't seen them yet today, he wasn't sure his father's heart could take it. He wondered how long he could continue to avoid them and if just maybe he could lose his memory again.

_I couldn't believe that the first thing my parents asked me was whether I'd let anyone see what I could do. They never even asked if I was okay, whether I was hurt or scared. All they seemed to care about was my secrets. I was stupid and said something about Chloe telling me I was a meteor mutant so that I didn't get myself into trouble. Their reaction to that was enough to keep me quiet about Lex, especially after Dad made a nasty remark about him. I don't get it. If I'm over eighteen and almost out of high school, wouldn't you think I'm old enough to make some decisions about who I talk to about being 'special'? Am I really such a wimp when it comes to standing up for my friends and me? _

Clark winced when he read that. His amnesiac self was right. He was old enough to make decisions that could affect the rest of his life, not just about college, but also about his abilities and who to tell, who to trust. Why hadn't he seen that before? After Pete, he'd let his parents bully him into continuing to lie. Maybe Pete wouldn't have felt so much pressure if he weren't the only friend who knew and he was able to share the burden.

_After Dad and Mom went to bed early, I called Lex and asked him to meet me in the loft. I was starting to see the advantage of barns when it came to keeping my parents out of my personal life. It didn't take him very long to come over and we sat down on the couch to talk. I went first and told him I appreciated him being so honest about us, especially since it appeared that wasn't how I usually was with him. He was trying to make me feel better about the lying when Chloe rushed up the stairs to the loft, told Lex to get away from me, and insisted that I shouldn't trust him and he was dangerous. _

After everything he'd read so far, Clark was beginning to re-think some things himself. Lex wasn't the only one who had investigated him. Chloe had done some digging too. She was responsible for Rachel Dunleavy coming to Smallville and Van McNulty and she was constantly making remarks about how fast or strong he was without explaining herself. Why was it okay for her and not Lex?

_I'd had it with the anti-Lex rants so I yelled that since I couldn't remember either one of them, there was no reason to trust Chloe more than Lex. She acted insulted and flounced away saying she'd be working on the information Lex got for her even if I didn't appreciate her help. Lex looked uncomfortable and said he should be going. I stopped him before he started down the stairs and told him Lois had given me some advice I had decided to follow. She said 'go with your gut', so I kissed him. _

_It was the first kiss I could remember, so I didn't have anything to compare against, but if kissing gets any better than that I'll never be able to think about doing anything else. Forget about going to college, getting a job, rescuing people, anything. I'd just want to spend all my time kissing Lex. Okay, maybe something more than just kissing Lex. I'd certainly consider touching Lex or rubbing against Lex or getting completely naked with Lex, or I think you get the picture. He tasted so good and his head was so soft and smooth under my fingers and the sounds he made were so sexy that I was really unhappy when he pushed me back gently and said we had to stop. I asked him if I did something wrong and he grinned and said no, I was perfect but it wasn't the right time, that we needed to focus on getting my memory back. He was right of course, but that didn't make it any easier to say goodnight and let him walk out of the barn without me. _

When he read about kissing Lex, all Clark could think was he'd never remember that first kiss and he almost hated that Clark who took that first away from him. It just wasn't fair.

_I did finally get to sleep last night and dreamed about Lex and woke up floating above my bed. How many more weird things does this body do! I can hardly wait to find out. Chloe called Lois early this morning and told her to go to the Torch and download some files she was sending from Summerholt. I'll go with her. _

That was the last entry. Clark had no idea what had happened after that note he left about going to the Torch with Lois and before he found himself standing over Chloe at the Summerholt Institute with Lois and Lex staring at him. He groaned when he remembered how he gave Lex yet another lame excuse for being where he shouldn't be and how he just left everyone there, after he talked to that kid, and just ran back to Smallville. He'd really screwed up with Lex and Chloe and didn't have any idea how he was going to fix it.

He flopped full-length on the couch and put one arm over his eyes, letting the other dangle over the side of the couch. As his fingers touched the floor and curled under the couch, he felt the cover of a book. He dragged it out and looked at it and he wanted to cry when he saw it was his scrapbook full of newspaper articles and pictures of Lex. Those pieces of the man he wanted might be as close as he'd ever get to him in the future if he didn't make things right.

Clark really didn't want to wake up from this dream. That would mean he wouldn't be able to hear Lex say his name in that nice way that sent shivers up his spine and left him feeling very happy. If he woke up he wouldn't feel those fingers running through his hair and he wouldn't be able to smile up at Lex and say his name back and... Clark froze when he realized that it wasn't a dream and Lex was there in his loft and then he crashed down on the couch and the floating wasn't a secret anymore.

When Clark heard Lex laugh, he decided he might as well open his eyes since invisibility didn't seem to be a new ability. At least Lex seemed to be in a good mood, so maybe things weren't as bad as he'd thought. He looked up at Lex who was standing next to the couch and then he saw what Lex was holding and he really should have put the journal and scrapbook away before he fell asleep.

Or maybe not, because that was a really great smile on Lex and Clark was feeling better by the second.

Lex tapped Clark's leg and he scrambled to sit up and make some room on the couch so Lex could sit down. He was still grinning at Clark and Clark couldn't stand it anymore and the words just started pouring out of him and it felt so good to finally tell Lex he was an alien and he used to have a spaceship but he blew it up and there was a place in the caves he could open up with the key and...

Lex knew just what to do and when he kissed Clark, the words weren't important anymore.

Epilogue

Clark walked into the Torch office and came up behind Chloe who was busy typing up her article on Mr. Grady and his memory removal methods.

"Hi, are you Chloe?"

Chloe whirled around in her chair to find Clark grinning at her, obviously back to his old dorky self.

"Very funny, but not really. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I understand I have you to thank for getting my memory back and for taking care of me while I was clueless."

"My pleasure, I'm more than happy to get out of the babysitting business. I really had no idea how tough it is to be you and stay out of trouble. I'm glad you're back to your old mysterious self."

"Thanks, Chloe, I really mean it."

Clark started to leave the office, and then turned around.

"Hey Chloe, did I tell you how helpful your journal idea was? It really showed me who I can trust."

Making sure she was looking at him, he used his speed to move back to Chloe, kissed her cheek and then exited the office.

Chloe touched her cheek and threw her head back, laughing in delight.


End file.
